Monster Monpiece

Monster Monpiece is what happens when you build a super cool card game with a bunch of your friends, but all your friends are perverts who want to get handsy with the animoo girls in the artwork. Real talk though, bonus here: when they get cheese puff dust all over your cards, but rub off the girl’s clothes, the cards somehow get stronger.

When you first start, the main thing you notice is there’s not a single mustache anywhere. The only characters are girls, who work for a school(?) that teaches human girls to team up with monster girls and play in card tournaments.

Now, before I get further into this, let me point out that cards are essentially POKeBALLS, and monster girls are just animoo chicks with angel wings and dragon horns. This is important, because the whole idea seems silly if we don’t think of it like that. Monster Girls live in the cards so they don’t waste their power, unless there are crystals around the Monster Girls. Each of the major cities (schools?) does have one of these crystals in them. Of course, your monster girl doesn’t like being in her card, because she’s a character who can talk and walk around and interact with the world, but your other monster girls? Yeah, they get stuck as cards until the battles begin. They all have nice clothes and swords and all sorts of information on their cards, like HP, how much damage they do, what range they attack at, the important things.

There are classes, melee, archer, booster, and healer. Each of them has a pretty obvious function. But, it gets more complicated. Each of those classes has two “races” that the character can be. You can stack two cards of the same race to add attack and HP, making them one card. THEN – There are different colors! So, you can have Red Cards, Green Cards, Gold Cards, or Blue Cards… and if you lay multiple of the same color in a row down, you get bonuses to the cards based on how many of the same color you lay down in a row.

You set them in a 3×7 grid, and your cards move forward one square at a time, while your opponent does the same thing, except advancing towards you. This makes your cards fight, and, when they fight, one card dies. The goal is to get to your opponent’s HQ, at the end of their rows, and deal damage to it. After enough damage, you win the game.

I can’t explain how in-depth this system is in such a small amount of words, but, basically, it’s a pretty complicated system which is fun and rewarding by itself. But, the game doesn’t stop there. It’s got a story! It’s got a weird mini-game where you sexually please cards by rubbing them to get them to take their clothes off which increases their power! It’s got a world map that has items on it and I know you want to know more about the rubbing cards to get them to take their clothes off, but, I’m taking forever on purpose.

It’s freakin’ weird, man. Jerk your cards off and they get stronger. You have to fondle your controller and figure out sweet spots and they moan and shit. I seriously had to turn the audio down so my lady wouldn’t think I was just rubbing one out after telling her I was “in the office working”. So, they take their clothes off and it increases their HP, their abilities, ect. After that unnaturally awkward scene, you go back to just playing cards like you weren’t just fondling yourself over images of animoo schoolgirls.
Catholic guilt aside, the game’s story, while animoo by nature, is still pretty passable. Go play cards and have tournaments to show what school’s better, save people who have their minds taken over by evil card battlers, crystals that teleport you around, it’s all pretty common RPG fare, really. That part of the game is there as a function to keep you moving towards RUBBING YOUR WEINER ON CARDS TO GET THEM jesus it’s terrible. I don’t know how that works. It’s gotta be some cultural barrier I just don’t understand.

But yes, the card game is fun. Go play cards, wince at the powering up your card system, don’t look to deeply at the story, and you’re in for a treat. Hey, if you’re into anime girls taking their clothes off when you touch 2 dimensional images of them, this is totally your fetish. Try it out. It’s not bad. Just, understand that there’s… some things you can’t unsee.

I don’t know how they do it, but Compile heart and Idea factory just consistently hit it out of the ballpark.
Always something interesting and different, just the familiar anime backdrop with a new storyline and different characters.

Get the game on STEAM

Disclosure: We received this game for free.

Developer: Compile Heart and Idea Factory
Published by: Idea Factory International

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