Story Time with Colonel Fancypants

Tony, Ricky, and Bobby were three brothers from the side of town no one wanted to be from. The only job anybody had in City View was either working the textile mill or something they could do at home. The Stevens boys were pretty well known for running around and making a little trouble. You probably would too if your mom worked 2nd and 3rd shift and you’re dad lived on the other side of town.

They got their methods honest too. Granddad owned a bar and a gas station, and would hold a $20 dollar raffle for a $100 shotgun. Granddad Stevens taught them to play cards and think quick. But like all brothers, they stood out for different reasons. Bobby, the oldest by 4 years, was a force to be reckoned with. His temper and ability to take a hit or cut was something to be feared. Tony was the cool headed middle son who wanted more out of life. And Ricky, well Ricky was just looking for a good time.

One fine Saturday, the brothers and their buddy Dwight decided they needed a couple cases of beer. Bobby was old enough to buy it and new the liquor store owner pretty well, but they decided they were gonna get free beer. The plan was for Tony to distract the owner while the others snuck a few cases into the car. Tony went to the cigarette machine in the back and started banging on it, making it seem like the pack he bought was stuck. The owner went over to check it out and in went the rest of the gang. After a few seconds went by the owner looked over and saw Ricky walk out with two cases and started yelling. Tony ran out the side door and hoped in the car and Dwight and Ricky got the car started. Bobby… Bobby decided to make a run for it. As the car took off though, the owner started firing a pistol at them and would call the police later. Bobby got back later that night after walking home and was sure the cops would be coming to pick him up. The owner knew him and where he lived. A week went by and nothing came of it. They learned later that the store owner was already on parole for a felony and was arrested for having a firearm after he called the police. I guess even petty criminals have a guardian angel.


For more Colonel Fancypants – check out the Colonel’s Reddit profile.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.